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Ask Methos

If you were a dog, which breed would you be? In other words, which dog breed best describes you?
Rebecca Williams

Mi casa es Taco Bell.

Chihuahua — big ears, big nose, skinny, not much to look at, but actually far more clever than those humans he hangs out with.

(right) Do I look like a chihuahua?

Methos, what do you think of all those claims that aliens helped the Egyptians build the pyramids, and that sort of thing? You have to know the truth, since you probably saw them built (if you were in Egypt at the time that is). Oh yeah, and have you, personally, ever seen a UFO? (And would you ever be tempted to go on one of those unsolved mysteries shows if you had?) Just curious...

Egyptians built the pyramids. While the odds would seem to indicate that humans can't be the only intelligent life in the universe, I have never seen anything to make me believe that other intelligences have visited Earth. (Ziest doesn't count — no intelligence there.)

I have no desire to appear on TV or in any other public media. When I was on the Wheel of Time game show, I made sure I got eliminated from the final by answering that question about who popularized the twist incorrectly. Stop blah-blahing, MacLeod. Of course, I did it on purpose. I was only humoring you — I know who Chubby Checker is... Honest...

Have you ever been in love with two different women with almost the same exact name, at the same time, in the same place, for the same reasons? If so, what did you do?

What is this? A trick question? What's your next question? "Who put the bop in bop-she-bop?" (See, Mac, I do know my pop music. What do you mean, that song was popular over 20 years ago? Can I help it if time flies so fast?)

If you've had 68 wives, then how many lovers have you had and what is your age limit?
Jessica Henson

I've lost count of all the Charlotte-like flings I've had. As for age limit, as long as they're old enough not to have fathers (or other men) chasing me afterwards, that's good enough for me. Then again, that didn't work so well with Charlotte, did it?

Have you ever been cuddled to death?
Spicy Hasperat

Not recently. Don't give Amanda any ideas.

I'm telling you, Kronos, Afros are not for us.

(right) The Fonz was never this cool.

Dear Adam (or Mr Methos, if you'd prefer): I was wondering what exactly it was about Duncan MacLeod not being born that turned you and Kronos into such devoted leather fetishists. Did Duncan exert some strange and boring influence over you which forced you to turn your back on leather and turn to long and shapeless jumpers instead? Which reality did you prefer?

Well, ever since Cassandra stabbed him, Kronos has had this love of cows and all their byproducts. As for me, naturally, if MacLeod never existed, his fashion sense wouldn't have rubbed off on me. A good blending-in tactic is to dress like those people you hang out with. Before MacLeod, I wore red jeans and hooded sweatshirts with a plaid design. After MacLeod, I wore tight jeans and oversized sweaters.

Of course, when MacLeod started wearing those beige-on-beige outfits after Richie died, well, that was my cue to take off again.

See?! What was I saying about Afros?

(right) Ancient Greece — cool gods, bad fashions.

In what time period did the clothes suit you the least?
Melissa Dryden

Well, as you can see, Ancient Greece has not been kind to me. But far worse than that were those early Olympic foot races — have you any idea what it feels like to run into a thorn bush stark naked?!

What is the most memorable part of history you remember?

Running into a thorn bush stark naked.

Dear Methos: With living that long and all that, haven't you met any reincarnated people yet? If not, where do you think all the souls you've known go?
Karen Asmuss

As I told Mary Shelley, there are some questions only the dead can answer. (And I'm not that anxious to know the answer to that one.)

Just what WAS going on between you and Mary Shelley?

Not nearly as much as I would have liked, unfortunately.

That'll teach you to dress like the Glad garbage bag man.

Is there anything that can shock the socks off a 5000-year-old Immortal?
Rena Balla

Holding a lightning rod during a thunderstorm. Believe me, I know. I saw Byron do it.

(right) Sticking your sword in a power socket is a shocking experience too.

Hey Meth, whatsup? Have you ever tried snowboarding or wakeboarding? Ever try aggressive skating or skateboarding? You'd be pretty good in a vert competition!

You mean participate in some dangerous spectator sport where I could get injured, perhaps fatally, then upon awaking have to exile myself for a lifetime so that the mortals who saw me die won't see me alive and start asking uncomfortable questions? You must be mistaking me for one Richard Ryan.

Why do you say "bloody" so much?

I've been hanging out with those bloody Brits too long.

Is that a bird flying away or a whale waving its tail?

My French Watcher quotes me...

"The Watcher seal. What it's supposed to signify, I have no idea. Perhaps if I drink enough beer, a "W" will appear. I'm all for testing that theory!"

...then has this comment:

You've already drank too much. It's evident that it is the biggest part of a "M". As in Methos...

But what happens if you turn that M upside-down? Or maybe that's turning it right-side-up... I think you're right — I've drunk too much...

What do you like most in this world after European beer?
J.C. Max

European bar mistresses.

Could you name the time when you went on your worst drinking spree, and how it turned out?

If I can remember it then it can't have been the worst, can it?

I love your dry wit. You always seem to have a ready comment, but has there ever been anyone who bested you in the battle with words?

Well, Alexa managed to shut me up once — but that was because her tongue was in my mouth...

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